Friday, July 8, 2011

There is a Time for Everything, Even Detours.

People told me this would happen...I'd be on a blog role and then hit a wall. I guess you could say that happened. It's been almost one month since I last blogged. But hear me when I say it's not because I haven't had anything to write; I think you could say I hit a detour. The purpose of this blog is to talk about issues that the women of Moody Church would find interesting, inspiring, challenging, etc. All with the intention to bring God glory and deepen our walks with Jesus. Usually I share something from my personal life that ties in to the blog theme -- this post is no exception. It appears that God has wired me to be an open book and embrace vulnerability. Someone shared a phrase with me back in my college days that sums up what I'm getting at: honesty leads to intimacy; intimacy lead to power; power leads to victory.

So, in effort to remain true to myself, I feel led to share with you a little bit of what I've been through in the last month. It was exactly four weeks ago today that I began to miscarry at 7 1/2 weeks pregnant. If you have ever experienced a miscarriage of your own, my heart aches with you. It was the most unnatural, backward transition I had been through. Nothing about it seemed right and just when I thought I was "finished" miscarrying, it would just get worse. That was something I had never known about miscarriages -- they can last for days. Some women have to have a surgical procedure done and maybe that ends the miscarriage sooner, I'm not sure. But in my case, it lasted for 10 days. I won't share any more physical details then that because that's not my point...instead, I'd like to try to articulate what I learned from the most difficult trial I have been through to date.

When I started to realize what was happening, my instincts kicked in and told me that the only way I would make it through such an unfamiliar journey was to trust God. Immediately Anthony and I looked at one another square in the eye and said "God is in this." We reminded each other that we didn't have control but we knew that God did. If this was His plan for us, we accept it. This mind set surely didn't make things easier for us, but I believe it guarded our hearts from going down a road of doubt and believing lies Satan would want to throw at us.

As much as I didn't want to talk about it, I made myself. I knew that the people who loved me would be God's instruments in providing me comfort, support and encouragement. Two best friends from Texas jumped on a plane and flew to Chicago to be by side so that I could cry at the drop of a hat, if I chose to do so (and I did!) and not feel like I was crazy! Others sent cards and emails. I was overwhelmed -- God was near to me in a dark hour. He heightened my senses... I felt His presence is every song I sang, I heard His voice when praying and seeking answers, the words of Scripture seemed to flow like music off the page and into my heart. One particular passage that sang to me was Eccl. 3:1-8:

1 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace. 

I think it is safe to say that we do have a peace from the Lord about this experience and we're praying about what the future looks like. I find myself feeling fearful about being pregnant again and I'm working on submitting that fear and doubt to God. I learned that many, many women have experienced a miscarriage and the feeling of loss never really goes away completely. One woman lost her baby around 7 weeks like me  30+ years ago, and as she was loving on me, I could see the pain was still very real in her own eyes.

I think I felt compelled to write about my own experience because I trust that God is using this difficult time in my life for His glory. And it is my passion that women understand that we are not alone in life. Whether your difficult journey is related to mine or completely different, it is God's plan that we are all here for one another. If we don't share our struggles and difficulties with one another, how can we be there for each other? If it weren't for my unbelievable precious friends and family, I'm not sure we would have had such a sweet residue stem from such a dark time. It's ironic, I feel so loved from others because I lost something that I loved so much. And as the song goes, you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

I pray that the lessons learned through this experience stick with me. I say it all the time, and now believe it more than ever: God has a purpose in everything. Though we felt like we were in a dark and lonely place at times, the blessings in our life served as our flashlight to find our way again. If difficult times are needed to know God in a more intimate way, I'll take the trials every time.

Filled with peace,


  1. Simone, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. We have also lost two babies to miscarriage (about 8 weeks & about 13 weeks) and it is heartbreaking. But you are SO right, God does have a purpose in it & you can definitely bring Him glory through sharing your testimony through it. A passage that God used in my life after my first miscarriage (and I also clung to it after the second one) was Isaiah reminds me that God's ways are not my ways, so it's okay if I don't understand...but it also gave me great peace & comfort knowing that His purpose would be accomplished & that He would give me joy!
    I also found that when I shared about my miscarriage, how many others had gone through the same thing...and how many friends I have had go through them since then. You are right, God uses these things in our life to help us encourage one another & also to definitely draw us closer to Him.
    Praying for you guys, Simone!

  2. Thanks Melanie! Your words mean so much -- I'm sorry for your own experience with this. I hate to think that anyone would have to go through a loss, but when we are hurting most, God is near. Speaking of precious babies, we just got your sweet little Lucy's birth announcement! What an angel...congrats to all SEVEN of you!